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LevelLord00 
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Fanfic
I was browsing the Internet lately and was surprised by all the crap fan-fiction written about things like Harry Potter, and the lack of such crud relating to Keen. As such, I have taken it upon myself to start such a cruddy fanfic, which I will post in this thread.

I have just one question before I begin, RocketJess, can I use your character Jax for a few appearances? :beg

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

RocketJess
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Re: Fanfic
I guess so. As long as you let me check it so he doesn't end up out-of-character... ^_^




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KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Good, I'm eagerly waiting! :)

We want Keen Chronicles!

LevelLord00 
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Re: Fanfic
I've sent the prolouge to Rocket Jess for proof reading.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Man you're fast. :)

We want Keen Chronicles!

LevelLord00 
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Re: Fanfic
Its a short chapter.

Edit: RJ, did you get the prolouge? I'm not sure if your email was typed write.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

Edited by: LevelLord00  at: 6/23/04 10:29 am
RocketJess
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(6/23/04 9:45 pm)
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Re: Fanfic
I've got it; I've been having computer troubles lately, though (evil spyware went mad and completely screwed up my Internet access). It's fixed now. I'll email you tonight.




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LevelLord00 
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Re: Fanfic
And here is teh prolouge:

Prolouge.

=======================================================

"Jax Andil, seven year-old genius, working diligently in his backyard
clubhouse has created an interstellar starship from old soup cans, rubber
cement and plastic tubing. While his folks are out on the town and the
babysitter has fallen asleep, Jax travels into his backyard workshop, dons
his cousin's fooball* helmet, and transforms into...

COMMANDER JAX--defender of Vorticon VI!

In his ship, the Aesthsr Zind** Gigarocket, Jax dispenses galactic justice
with an iron hand!"

Jax raced across the hills of Vleet island. In his mind the evil Grand
Intellect's fortress loomed large in front of him. Jax pulled out his
water pistol "Eat plasma evildoer! Pow! Booom!" Jax stodd amongst the
rubble of the Grand Intellect's fortress, now overgrown with moss after
the many years since Commander Keen had destroyed it and accepted a medal
from Keen himself after saving the universe from another evil force.

"So you thought the Vorticon race would just lie down and be destroyed?
You obviously didn't count on the bravery of Commander Jax!" A section
of rubble moved, and Jax found himself looking at a face he had only seen
in pictures, distributed just after the Grand Intellect had taken over his
planet, he was staring at the Grand Intellect himself.

Jax didn't stop running until two bedsheets, a locked door and parents were
between him and the nightmare.

===================================================

* Fooball, a popular game involving Foobs.

** Aesthsr, a type of Vorticon bean, in sauce of a tomatoish flavour; Zind, a Vorticon meat dish, often served with Aesthsr.

=====================================================

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Very talented! More please! :)

We want Keen Chronicles!

RocketJess
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(6/24/04 10:47 am)
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Re: Fanfic
I just noticed "prologue" is spelt wrong... don't know why I didn't notice that in the email... [/nitpicking]




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LevelLord00 
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Peludee
Excuze me, are you tying to sugest I spell incorectly? Ill have you know Ive spent a graet part of my life studiing the prononciation of words, and I dont need some ameridicainised spellcecer teling me whats the write way to spel.

grafix5000 
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Re: [Insert title here]
More please. This is good stuff. *munches printout*

I had a similar problem with spyware clogging up my internet connection; only three scans with AdAware and one with Spybot: S&D could fix it. My parents had no idea what was causing it and kinda got mad with me because they believed it was my fault - unfair!


If Keen eats all that sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to see my site!

KeenRush 
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Re: [Insert title here]
"More please. This is good stuff."
Agree. When you have the first chapter done?!?!?!?!?!

We want Keen Chronicles!

memsys
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Re: Fanfic
Quote:
I had a similar problem with spyware clogging up my internet connection; only three scans with AdAware and one with Spybot: S&D could fix it. My parents had no idea what was causing it and kinda got mad with me because they believed it was my fault - unfair!


if the computer crashed my mom believed it was my fault and 9 of 10 times it wasn't but that was an long time ago

Edited by: memsys at: 6/29/04 10:58 am
KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Yeah, now it's increased to 10/10. :rolleyes

We want Keen Chronicles!

Superadammario64
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Re: Fanfic
pretty cool so far.

Visit my website at www.geocities.com/superadammario
or visit my message board at pub40.ezboard.com/bsuperadammariosboard

LevelLord00
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Re: Fanfic
Chapter 1: Evil Plot Revelation

Keen stared into the blackness of space and pondered the W and Z bosons and their relation to the photon. It was one of his favorite activities.

*incoming transmission*

"connect...Wha?!" Keen stared at Mortimer in shock, since when did his arch nemesis give him a chance to track his location?

"Ah Keen, how nice to see you after all this time. You probably haven't noticed that I am now in a position of power here. As such, rather than capture you, I'm just going to tell you my evil plan right now."

"I am going to resurrect an ancient evil in order to destroy the universe. The evil is trapped in a temple on the planet Vorticon V, and I will be able to release it during a planetary conjunction in, oh three days. Of course, you could always try to stop me by gathering the three secret runes located on Vorticon VII, Earth and Osmoc, but I doubt you'll be fast enough. And now, do excuse me, its 3:14; time to clean out the septic tank."

Keen fumed at the insult, but wasted no time in plotting a course for Earth, he would need to arrange a suitable alibi for his absence and find that first rune. He knew only one person who would be able to convincingly lie to his and their parents at the same time, and the only person on Earth who couldn't seem to get enough candy...

=====================================================

I'll try to do a chapter a week, but I/m busy. [and lazy]

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

Edited by: LevelLord00 at: 8/8/04 12:37 pm
KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Ah, nothing beats good reading (except every modification and official Keen adventures)! :)

We want Keen Chronicles!

LevelLord00
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Re: Fanfic
Chapter 2

"so your at my house"

"yep"

"and if your mom calls your outside?"

"exactly"

"and if my mom asks, you've gone home."

"thats right"

Keen smiled, Jess Ro'kett was one of the best liars around. She had exceptionally large oval eyes, that made look worryingly like a Japanese cartoon. [Rumors that she was once offered a part in a Hentai video remain unsubstantiated.]He could take a month off, but he didn't have enough candy right now.

"So all of this is just so you can see your grandma?"

"Yeah, mom says she's a bad influence."

Keen headed straight toward his secret clubhouse mentally running through all the things he'd packed for the trip: raygun, ammunition, rations... It wasn't long before he was flying over the frozen wastelands of Antarctica.

Keen stared at the radar screen, scanning for all unusual energy sources. [In doing so he came across a Shikadi and Droidican together who, as it turned out, were not Morts spies, but just filming a TMST documentary...]

"Ah there you are!" smiled Keen as a distinctive signature appeared. Wasting no time Keen wrapped up warm, grabbed an ice pick and stepped out...

...into pure liquid cold. He had no idea it could be so chilly, it felt like his face was on fire. Still, he had a job to do. Keen trudged off into the snow.

==============================================

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Nice txt again.

We want Keen Chronicles!

RocketJess
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Re: Fanfic
...

You could have asked me before sticking me in it... Č_Č

Incidentally, I hate hentai. I'd rather not voluntarily give myself mental scarring for life, thankyou very much. Give me innocent cutesy anime any day.




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LevelLord00
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Re: Fanfic
RJ: Include *thwack!* me *thwack!* out! *thwack!*

LL: Okay! okay!

RJ: Now say it!

LL: Poke'mon is some of the highest quality television on air today! There satisfied?

RJ: Yes.

Chapter 3

Keen sat in the ice cave, the total silence being almost creepy given the blizzard outside. He stared at the octiron* disk, lost in thought. "So this is a rune huh?" He thought. He was after things smaller that a kids hand in order to save the universe.

"Well, big challenge Mort" scowled Keen. "No alien attack force?"

Just five seconds later Keen severely regretted saying that.

The Drak smashed through the wall of the cave in a blinding flurry of snow. It saw a single sharp source of heat. Food. With instinctive speed it moved to the left, attempting to pin its prey to the wall. The heat spot paused, the rocketed upwards. Before it could follow it, the Drak became aware of being very disorientated, so much so that it lost consciousness.

Keen stared at large black lump, his neural stunner still vibrating softly The Drak looked like a large hairy seal with claws, and would've been terrifying if it wasn't for the large pink collar it was wearing bearing the name 'fluffy' Mort had an odd sense of humor.

Keen paused, there was something stuck to the collar. It was a piece of paper containing only two letters, 'MM' Keen sighed, well that was one rune down in less than two hours. He'd stop off at Vorticon VI next, and drop off the Drak on its home planet. If he kept up this pace he'd beat Mort in no time.

Meanwhile...

The shadowy figures moved silently around the metal sphere, its octiron surface glowing duly in the faint magical field. Part of it was disassembled, debris spread out around the wound in its side, but the quick hands of the Shikadi would soon put that right.

Ky'z'k approached the helmeted figure. "Xuse mesur" he** said speaking in the slurred tongue of a lifeform wo has never had to use sound to communicate before. "Weve huh sall kwessun."

"What is it!"

"Wewere juss thinkin, izz it pozible for uz to drink Shikadi coluh? Coz wez lectricity an iss likid."

"Who do you think I am? KeenRush? LevelLord? If I had time to worry about you 'biology' I wouldn't need to employ you dolts!

The Shikadi shrank back, not only because of the tone of the voice, but because it had managed, indescribably, to pronounce every bit of punctuation in its reply.


============================================================

* Octiron, an inartistically magical metal. Completely unmelntable by ordinary means.

** Technically, there are three Shikadi genders, this would make a great X-rated story if Shikadi reproduction involved more than shooting electrical pulses into the air until the converged into a new lifeform.

Apologies to Rocket Jess. May she continue to fight the evils of Henati and cruddy drawing wherever anime is found.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Fanfic
Very nice again. :)

"Who do you think I am? KeenRush? LevelLord? If I had time to worry about you 'biology' I wouldn't need to employ you dolts!"
Heh..

"** Technically, there are three Shikadi genders, this would make a great X-rated story"
E-mail me when you've written it. :mort

We want Keen Chronicles!

grafix5000 
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Re: Fanfic
I'd swear I heard the names Octiron and Ky'z'k somewhere else. Discworld and Sluggy Freelance mean anything to you?

By the way, this story keeps getting better and better! Comparing it to the multitude of HP fanfics would be like comparing a, um.. good thing to a not-so-good thing. Mmmm, strawberry-flavour printer ink... *takes bite from printout*


If Keen eats all that sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to see my site!

Edited by: grafix5000  at: 7/23/04 8:06 am
LevelLord00
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Re: Fanfic
^ Huzah! Someone spotted my references! Its nice to know there are fellow Discworld fans out there, but who is this Sluggy Freelance? I got the name Ky'z'k off a friend [At least thats the way he pronounced it, maybe he meant it spelled different.]

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

grafix5000 
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Snerfle.
Have a look at this. Maybe this is where the name came from?

LevelLord00
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Re: Snerfle.
Chapter 4: Vorticon VI


Keen flew in low over the beautiful landscape of Vorticon VI watching several small islands rush by like purple jewels in the shimmering ocean. Since the planet had only one mountain Keen could safely cruise at an altitude of less than a hundred meters. Several herds of Meep got quite a nasty shock.

Keen searched the horizon for his target, Leet'zer the largest island on Vorticon VI. All landmasses on Vorticon were connected by teleporters of course, but Keen was lazy, couldn't read Vorticon maps and wanted to see someone.

Spotting the island Keen skimmed across the terrain, found the hose he was looking for and landed right in its backyard, removing several roof tiles and sending a sonic boom right into it. Keen deftly jumped out of his ship, bounded across the lawn and peered in the window. [Which didn't have any glass in it, Vorticons only need window panes in colder areas.]

The Vorticon inside looked up.

"Oh hi Keen, try and keep it down will ya? I can't hear the fooball game."

Keen smiled, Gr'fix* was odd even by Vorticon standards, the saviour of his planet had just about hit his house and he was worried about noise, yet he was shocked every time the sun came up.

"Oh, wait! You gotta see this! This blade of grass has to be three inches long!"

"Nah, no time." replied Keen "I have... business to attend to. I just wanted someplace to park my ship, store some stuff, and there is the matter of that Discworld book you 'borrowed', the library will revoke my card if I don't get it back."

A brief conversation later Keen headed off to get some dinner at the only place that would serve vorta cola with the main course: Hals Diner. [You had to eat your veggies there, Hal would see to that.]

*whumph!*

Keens vegetable related thoughts were interrupted as he pogo-ed to avoid the rapidly moving vortikid who was followed by their panting father who was desperately yelling "Karf ack harr!'** [Don't knock into people!] Keen smiled. Mothers were always better at constraining the living missiles.

Finally reaching his destination Keen strolled up and opened the door.

Ever notice that during a catastrophe time slows down? Like when you slip and fall out of a tree, the you know you're going to be injured and you see everything in slow motion? Keen felt like that now, as he stood in the doorway he realized that the smell of frying k'tere*** had distracted him, he'd forgotten to be careful, to scout out the area first. The same mistake had cost him dearly when he fought Mortimer, and it was about to happen again. Keen watched it approach ever so slowly through the air, saw every little crack in the door frame, the tables inside with assorted surprised looking guests. He was rooted to the spot, helpless to avoid it.

*Smack!*

===================================================

* From the Vorticon 'He whose nose is curved like a banana*** and is poked into teapots on Tuesdays*** causing it to become stuck.' which roughly equates to 'curious'

** Vorticon sounds rather like a dog barking mixed with someone choking and a bit like singing in the shower. This doesn't mean Vorticon sounds unpleasant, just different, and a heck of a lot better than Garg. Some people have compared its vowel intonations to Spleenish, but Vorticon at least is understandable.

*** the Vorticon equivalent of bacon.

**** Nearest earth approximations. orig, sindlefut and Desvort, the Vorticon week having eight days [vortrs] in it.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

Edited by: LevelLord00 at: 7/27/04 12:12 pm
CommanderSpleen 
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Fantabulously Fictitious.
:lol Intriguing and amusing. Incredibly drawn out cliffhanger, but it does the job.


LL but Keen ... couldn't read Vorticon maps

How so?


LL * From the Vorticon 'He whose nose is curved like a banana*** and is poked into teapots on Tuesdays*** causing it to become stuck.' which roughly equates to 'curious'

:lol Classic!


LL:CK ...and there is the matter of that Discworld book you 'borrowed' the library will revoke my card if I don't get it back.

Speaking of which, I'd better get that book, 'The Holographic Universe' I lent to my cousin back... I received a letter yesterday telling me I'm up for $50 at the TAFE student library otherwise.

It seems you're parody skills are improving--you managed to grab an obscure element of recent events (within the space of one day, even) from my life that I haven't even bothered talking about to anyone. *starts hiding thoughts in LL restricted areas of brain*

>Commander Spleen

÷ Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ÷

"If your grand plan is thwarted, fear not;
From its ashes shall arise a grander one."
- My Left Ankle

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

KeenRush 
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Re: Fantabulously Fictitious.
Ah, good ke-fi again (Keen Fiction). :)

"** Vorticon sounds rather like a dog barking mixed with someone choking and a bit like singing in the shower. This doesn't mean Vorticon sounds unpleasant, just different, and a heck of a lot better than Garg. Some people have compared its vowel intonations to Spleenish, but Vorticon at least is understandable."
Sounds good to me!
Also, what's wrong with the gargs, always? :garg
Also, agree with that Spleenish thing. ;)

We want Keen Chronicles!

LevelLord00
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Re: Fantabulously Fictitious.
Quote:
LL but Keen ... couldn't read Vorticon maps


For one thing, all the directions are in Vorticon instead of SGA, all the place names are Vorticon so you need to know which place is where, and Keen is just plain lazy as stated.

Quote:
*starts hiding thoughts in LL restricted areas of brain*


*Scans Spleens mind*

Hmmmm, thoughts about starfish, cereal, ah here we are- Oh god that is SICK! Aieeee! I'll never get that image out of my head! Its burned on my eyeballs!

Quote:
Also, what's wrong with the gargs, always?


LL: Well, you see Gargs are-

KR: Gaaaarg!

LL: Yes, but-

KR Gaaaaaaaaaaaaarg!

LL: But-

KR: GAAAARG!!!

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

LevelLord00
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OMG! not another damn chapter!
Chapter 5: Jax just the way it is.

Keen flew back several feet and collided none to gently with a tree. He looked dazedly at the six year old Vorticon* sitting on his chest. "Hello Jax' he murmured.

For his part Jax was ecstatic. "OMG! OMG! Keen! Ican'tbelieveitsyouandyourhereagainwaittillItellyouwhathappened!!"

Keen pried the vortikid off him and made his way to Hals diner where someone was already trying to put the door back on its hinges.

"Well, Mr Blaze. It seems your as popular as ever." It was Tba, Jax's father. "Yeah," replied Keen "Its nice to see the fans once in a while. Look, can I get something to eat? All this candy is giving me a coronary."

"Sure, anything for our hero, its on the house!"

Keen entered the diner and sat down at one of the few empty Harbx** tables. Hal's was obviously still doing good business. Jax sat down opposite, and after catching his breath related the story of his recent scare to Keen.

"Hmmmm, yeah, that sounds like the remains of the mangling machine alright. Don't worry, Mort isn't in a position to hurt anyone...kinda." Keen found it very hard to lie to the kid, he had eyes that said 'I'll jump off a cliff if you say I can fly.'*** This was followed by autograph signing for the many Keen fans who had heard that their hero had landed.

Finally he was able to order something, Vjark Djin with Kaly haar**** After eating his meal and renewing ties with some old vorticon friends^ Keen went off to discuss Jax's experience with his mother, Hal^^ Currently she was cooking a Vjark by breathing on it. Hal was a typical vortimom, about Keens height and built as some say 'like a brick toilet.' You had the vague impression that she could wrap an iron bar around you as easily as a scarf.^_^

"Keen, nice to see you again. Neck healed?" Keen rubbed the back of his neck gingerly, vorticon technology had managed to remove the burn scar, but he would never forget his encounter. "yeah, thanks. I hear Jax got quite a shock a while ago?"

"Yes, people say the place is haunted, but he wanted to be the next Keen. I swear sometimes I think that kid's hair is going to fall out and he'll pull a neural stunner on me."

'Yeah, he is kinda a fan isn't he. He sure has a lot of energy these days. How are the twins?"

"Fine, fine, yesterday Ffnell stunned for the first time!"

"Great" said Keen remembering previous encounters. "Look, we both know why I'm here, besides your cooking, which is great by the way-"

"Is this about the Dexstar?"

"Yes, I think its time I brought it out of storage."

==============================================

* Six? Wasn't he 8? Yes, Jax is 6 and a quarter years old, 'which is almost seven, and thats just one away from eight.'

** A type of wood which is odd in that sometimes years after being made into furniture, it sprouts.

** being a vorticon, his eyes didn't actually say this. If he had been a krikkitian Ilsoap however, they could have.

**** Something rather like roast chicken and assorted greens.

^ Including one Fr'kel, inventor of Doors, an operating system Keen found far superior to any earth product except maybe Linux.

^^ If you think thats an odd name, be aware that this is Vorticon VI, and that telling a Vorticon 'Its a nice day isn't it?' in English will get you arrested for offensive language. Besides which, mentioning anything to Hal will probably result in you missing several weeks of school due to a ruptured spleen. Hmmmm, tempting...

^_^ This is Rocket Jess's signature. That all I wanted to say.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!


"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: OMG! not another damn chapter!
Hehe, cool part!
Your use of words is really good (dunno how to explain this); all those "Currently she was cooking a Vjark by breathing on it." and "Fine, fine, yesterday Ffnell stunned for the first time!" are really cool little references to the Vorticon world and so on. :)

We want Keen Chronicles!

DivoKeen
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Keen story
I just read the whole story, and I'm pleasently surprised. As you I've read many fan stories that made me :barf

But You got it right the first time ;)

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story
Long chapter this one!

================================================
Chapter 6: We get all the crazy ones around here.

Hal and Keen moved quietly out the back of the kitchen and towards a rather bare looking patch of grass. A simple flick of a switch turned this into a pit in the ground, in which sat a spaceship:



Keen smiled, the Dexstar. It was an awesome sight, the evening sun glinting off the polished metal, the intricate fitting together of a myriad parts, its exact resemblance to the BWB. Keen knew different however. It packed to high density plasma cannons, shields, a vanadic drive and more features than windows XP*

"Thanks for keeping her safe for me." said Keen as Hal picked it up and put it on the grass.** Keen stared, there were some kind of hieroglyphs written on the underside. Funny, he hadn't remembered putting any on. They decipted what looked like a Vorticon surrounded by many smaller worshipers, and various animal gods. "Odd." thought Keen "Perhaps a message, but from whom?"

"Sorry about that." said Hal wiping the crayon marks off. "Ffnell likes drawing on everything, and she burrowed in there last week."

"Excuse me," said a voice. "But is could you point me in the direction of the chaos emeralds?" Keen looked behind him. The creature that had spoken was small blue and spiky, almost like a porcupine or-

"Ah!" said Keen catching on. "Wrong fanfic, you want Keefiction 0x02B."

"This isn't 0x02B?" asked Sonic.

"Nah, this is 0x031, use hex values."

"Ah," said Sonic. "I thought so."

And with that he disappeared into his proper crossover.

"Well then, this calls for desert." said Keen cordially. "Oh, and this time, I'd prefer my ice cream a tad cooler than boiling point."***

A short time later Keen prepared to say goodbye to the Andil family and continue his quest to obtain the second rune. The twins fortunately had fallen asleep after trapping an unwary customer in a corner and stunning him for half an hour, but Jax was as eager as ever, indeed, if it hadn't been for the presence of his mother, Keen was quite sure he'd have boarded the ship and taken off by himself.



"Hey, I'll stop by for lunch as soon as I've saved the universe!" yelled Keen as the engine roared into life. Keen looked out through the silica window as the family, the Hal kitchen and finally Vorticon itself shrunk to a point. He was heading to the cold planet of Vorticon VII, the location of the next rune. Keen smiled as the planet swam into view, two down in one day, Mort really was losing his touch.

"Hold it right there brat! Keen recognized the angry female voice instantly. "Oh God, I don't have time for this." muttered Keen as he turned on the visual link**** "What is it Levellord?" Keen said staring at the Lindsey like^ Gnostic in front of him. Keen knew what she wanted, she was a total basket case, a twit who'd been on his case since he'd freed the Elders. All he'd have to do is disable her ship and set to crash land somewhere far, far away.

"Me and my associate UnFleexable have been having a little talk." she said, gesturing to the large Fleex behind her. "Thats right" said UnFleexable snapping his claws menacingly. "We've decided to put you out of commission, and I don't mean artwork!^^"

A sensor beeped. "Longsweep!" commanded Keen. Instantly the visual link showed Levellords fleet, hundreds of ships, all closing rapidly.

"Die Keen!" cackled Levellord as a positron beam missed him by inches. Thinking quickly Keen veered widdershind^^^ and let loose his plasma cannons. Instantly forty ships were incinerated, both in the initial blast and by the derbris. "Split up! Attack him from all sides!" yelled Levellord furiously.

Too late. Keen turned on the fleet and destroyed another hundred ships with five more plasma bolts. Turning he cut off two retreating wings, then turned on the lead ship.

"Awww nuts!" said Levellord as her ship exploded.

Keen watched the remnants flee, and Levellords escape pod spin off into the void.^^^^

"That was close" he thought. "But how did a mental case like Lev get a fleet like that? If I'd been in the BWB I'd have been destroyed!" He didn't need to think of an answer, it was obvious. Mort.

Keen piloted his ship toward the planets cold surface, and it wasn't long before he came to an old abandonded temple, the location of the second rune.

"Excuse me, you do realize you're copying the plot of a thousand other puerile fanfics, don't you""

Keen whirled around. There, standing in front of him was a young man~ "Hello, perhaps I didn't introduce myself" said the man. "I am DivoKeen, chronicler of worlds, expert in fanfics and animutation. I-" "Right, cut in Keen. Why don't you go annoy a Poke'mon character? They have a lot of faniverses for you to criticize."

"Oh I'm not a critic" responded DivoKeen. "In fact, I'd like to follow you and compose and epic poem in your honor."

"Uh, right" said Keen. "Why don't you sit over there, I'm going to collect the second rune, and then I'll come back here and tell you all about it."

Keen stared at the temple door, it had a freshly drawn inscription in it. It said "If I build a cube from wire so that all sides are equal, and each side has a resistance of 1 ohm, what is the resistance of the cube when measured from opposite corners?"

Keen laughed. "Simple, basic physics. Come on Mort!"


================================================

*except they worked.

**This was made even more impressive by the fact that she was also holding [and cooking] a Vjark Djin and so only used one hand. But then again, it was a small ship.

***Alas, it came to him at a temperature of 65 degrees. You just can't teach a Vorticon some things.

****Full surround sound 7'000 channels, AM/FM/PM radio.

^Some have speculated that constant comparisons to the famous lady drove Levellord to evil and insanity, but chances are she was just a grade A nut case.

^^ UnFleexable was notorious throughout the galaxy as 'The punning shredder' He dispensed physical punishment and dull wit in equal amounts.

^^^ in space there are six directions, up,down,left,right, forward and backward, as well as widdershind, anth and xaxle, which are 270 degree turns involving 4,5 and six simultaneous direction changes respectively.

^^^^And Unfleexable? He was rescued by pirates or something.

~"He has to be human" thought Keen, "he's wearing a CC314 T-Shirt."

Picture by RocketJess. ^_^

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!


"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Keen story
Wow, cool stuff.. That picture is awesome! Good job on that Jess! :)

We want Keen Chronicles!

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story
Chapter 7: S.P.A.M.

=====================================================

Keen quickly entered the answer, 5/6 of an ohm, and entered the temple. Or it was once a temple, the entire building had collapsed inside the outer wall. All that remained was a huge pile of rubble. And sitting atop the tallest pile of rubble was...a yorp?

It wasn't one of the prettiest yorps he'd seen, and it wore what looked for all the world like a tattered monks robe. It appeared deep in concentration. Suddenly it spoke.

"Ah, Commander Keen." The voice sounded like someone gargling gravel. "I have been expecting you."

A sarcastic voice in the distance shouted "Ha! He saw your ship land! Ain't no roof!"

The monk continued. "I am Djaser, high elder and monk yorp. I have spent many years studying the ancient wisdom and know what you seek."

Again the distant voice replied "BullS-! If brains were light he'd be a walking blackout!"

A little perturbed the yorp resumed. "You seek the second rune to defeat Mortimer McMire. I am in posession of it, and will give it to you if you can pass the three tests of knowledge, strength and patience."

"Oh yeah?! He's sitting on it the lardass!"

At this the monk blushed. "Ah, yes, okay then um, here."

"Thanks." said Keen accepting the rune with a gloved hand. Descending the rubble pile Keen headed toward the sound of the sarcastic voice. It seemed to be coming from behind the temple.

Behind the temple Keen saw an eerie sight, a small fortress had been built. It was surrounded by bloodied bones. In the fortress stood some idiot draped in a curtain and someone who looked an awful lot like himself. "Hey!" he called out. "What happened here?" The curtain clad idiot jumped down and approached him.

"Your Keen right? The one who's been speaking to ol' one eye?" Keen recognized the voice, it was the sarcastic interrupter. "He's been attacking us a lot, luckily when I get killed the great Author bring me back, that why all the bones. Th' guy back there is Bob th' temp, brother of Bob the Builder. We're members of S.P.A.M, and thats with three '.' not four."

"I won't ask" said Keen. Suddenly the day seemed to have taken a rather odd turn. "Could you perhaps help me?"

"Sure!" replied curtain guy. "By the way, my names Silly. Morts sent two fleets to stop ya, one led by my wife Levellord, the other by someone calling himself Mark. They're at #097734 and#1233514 respectively."

"I bumped into your wife." replied Keen "But thanks for the tip on this Mark guy. Is there anything I can do to repay you?"

====== ========== ========== ========= ========= =====

MEANWHILE:

A pair of eyes watched the events on Vorticon VII with detached amusement. Cold and unblinking they watched the craft move across the the barren icy surface of the planet, and puzzlingly blow up a ruin.

"Ah Keen, the second rune already, and only in one day. We must delay your progress musn't we? E'd'ch'k! fire an energy pulse at #01/94/83 at 5 drels, that should intercept our hero at about the time he lands on Osmoc.

The Shikadi shuddered, he'd never get used to human speech, but the way he'd pronounced the comma's, and # was creepy.

========= ============ =========== ========= ======= ======

Keen watched the planet disappear from view. The last thing he saw was two figures dancing on top of a stunned yorp buried in a pile of debris. But he wasn't paying attention to that, there had been a piece of paper attached to the rune, from the same sheet as the one he'd found by the first rune. It read -?><*%! a collection of symbols, but of what meaning? Was it a clue? Was it just one of Morts mind games? Would Id ever release TUIT? These questions burned in his mind as he set out to acquire the final rune.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Keen story
The story gets harder and harder to keep on track, but still good. :)

Galaxy is open.

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story
Chapter 8: Disjointment
=========================================================

Keen watched the planet appear from the inky blackness like so many before it. Being eight however, Keen could barely hide the feeling of triumph as the earth-like sphere swam into view. Almost automatically he set the computer to plot a safe course to observe the planet closer up. Activating the scanner Keen-

BRRZZAAPP!

Suddenly the ship was out of control, spinning around crazily. Keen acted quickly, trying to stabilize the ships jilted path while looking for any ship that might have attacked. Normally this would have been easy, but the blast head shot him into the planets gravity well and he was spiraling downward. Watching the scenery twist around him Keen wrestled with the controls, the wern't responding!

He was halfway through the atmosphere now, and the uncontrolled flight was heating up the ships exterior.* Keen heard a dull pop as his fuel exploded in an alcohol fueled fireball. Various parts were beginning to rattle and shake under the stress. Now the land was approaching, and still no response! He was going to hit the ground square on, not even the Dexstar would survive that.

In almost slow motion Keen watched the altimeter count down. 200 meters, 100...50...

Suddenly there was a horrendous *ting!* and Keen felt a wrenching blow as the ship suddenly deflected ninety degrees off a convenient mountain slope. Keen had a brief glimpse of open air before the ship was crashing through rocks and vegetation. Then the ship was turning end over end, Keen was thrown from one side to the other. Suddenly the ship hit a large boulder and stopped. Keen however, not wearing a seatbelt didn't,** flew headfirst*** through the windshield**** glass and landed several feet away.^

Keen awoke sometime later. Picking himself up Keen checked for injuries. Except for a few^^ bruises, some minor cuts and scrapes and a concussion, he was fine.

He looked over his ship, the damage looked worse than it was, the fuel and windscreen could be replaced, most of the damage was actually pieces of scenery that has been squashed onto the ships paint. What mattered was how long he'd been out.

He checked his watch. "Awww nuts!" Keen said. He'd been unconscious for at least a day, that meant Mort was only hours from destroying the universe!

Keen lept up, pulled his portable scanner from his pocket, and dashed off to where the rune was, stopping only to stun and capture something useful.^^^

He found the rune easily enough, it was located at the bottom of a slime filled cesspool guarded by carnivorous reeds. Keen obtained by using an unusual mathematical cure for the common cold.^^^^ Along with the final rune was a third, waterlogged piece of paper, on which was written only one word, 'me' 'This is some mind game.' Keen thought. 'Pointless symbols to distract me.'

Less than an hour later Keen studied his handiwork, his ship was repaired, the three runes were stored safely in the hold, and he'd seen to his injuries.*

He smiled. "Alright Mort, its been fun, but now we end this."

===================================================

* The ship was shield by almost impenetrable Mc Donalds 'food' products thought, so no harm done.

** Always wear a seatbelt, even if your only traveling within your home system, they save lives!

*** Luckily Keen had a helmet on.

**** Built to withstand an atomic blast from the outside, but who would ever expect an attack from inside the cockpit?

^ most *'s in a single sentence record!

^^ Actually dozens, but hey who's counting?

^^^ important plot development or pointless distraction?

^^^^ I won't bore you with the details.

* For being such a good patient he gave himself a dozen lollipops.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Keen story
Hmmm, nice work again.

Galaxy is open.

LordOfGlobox
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(8/28/04 12:47 pm)
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Re: Keen story
To much Monty Python can do this to a person.....lol

It's the most CK fan-fic I've ever read... Not to bad either...

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story
Chapter 9: Revelations
==============================================

Keen stared at the approaching planet with steely determination. He was always nervous before a confrontation, but experience had taught him to remain calm and focused. Everything was planned, his stunner and shields were charged, and he was on the lookout for Morts forces. As it turned out, he needn't have worried. Mort as usual had a huge obvious base on the planet. All Keen had to do was land a short distance off and make his way there.

As it turned out, this was easier said than done. The Vorticon system was unusual in having not one but three 'habitable' planets, and Vorticon V was only barely so. At either pole lay a dry desert-like landscape parched by the Vorticon sun.

As Keen stared out at the hostile burning desert, one thought was foremost in his mind: 'Cool, I get to wear sunglasses like in terminator.'* He bounded across the landscape with his usual sugar fueled speed familiar to many a Commander Keen player, noting that there was little more than lizards and bugs to shoot.**

This changed at Morts base though, there Keen saw many things to shoot, things that mainly took the form of large black droids, each sporting two claw ended and two normal arms with dual shoulder mounted plasma pulse cannons. They were also equipped with infrared/ultraviolet vision and a CPU powerful enough to hack microsoft*** that ran a program so corrupt that it would've impressed Bill Gates.

Two things stood out though, their resemblance to rabbits**** and the legend



printed in large angry red letters on each arm.^

Keen had encountered these 'inlay' before, they didn't stun and were darn hard to destroy too..

Keen looked at the scene in front of him; Mortimer was standing in the middle of a cryptic circle^^^ holding an ancient book. Surrounding him on all sides were inlay, so there was no hope of attack there. The ground began shaking and steam hissed from cracks in the rocks. The sky became overcast and lightning flashed. Keen loaded his invertic pistol*. Things could get messy.

"And now is the hour of my ultimate victory!" crowed Mort. "With these words I shall summon the ultimate evil, and whats more, I'm standing on where the runes should go! Ihre ganze Unterseite sind Gar-"

Keen moved quickly. In two bounds he cleared the inlay and knocked Mortimer off his feet. Looking down he saw three circular indentations. In a flash the runes were in place and Keen was eighty feet away.

Mortimer, dazed got up and smiled. "Hello clown" He said.

Keen frowned, there was something wrong with Morts tone,** it sounded almost triumphant.

"Well Mort, I seem to have beaten you once again, I did get those runs, and I appear to have stopped your diabolical plotting once again!" said Keen victoriously.

Mortimer dusted himself off, stared at Keen and smiled. "Oh honestly Keen, did you really think I'd rely on some ancient mumbo jumbo? You're even more pathetic than I thought! You've merely made it easier for some voodoo priest to perform the yearly bananarama festival or whatever it is this temples for. Behold my most perfect work yet! The Dark Star!"

The ground hadn't stopped shaking, suddenly it split open revealing a huge black mountain, no more of a dome Keen realized, part of a giant sphere perhaps two miles in diameter that was rising from the ground. It looked perfectly smooth, and perfectly black. It made a deafening noise emerging before noiselessly launching into the xky.

The realization hit Keen harder than any stunner could. He'd been manipulated, Mort knew where he was all the time, it'd been another one of his mind games.

With pinpoint accuracy the inlay behind Keen homed in on the tracker in his helmet and administered a 24'000 volt shock to the back of Keens neck. Everything went dark.

========================================================

*Hey, he's 8 years old.

** An innocent dragonfly was squished into oblivion for resembling a skypest.

*** After giving Gates a warning they were coming, and only using VBasic.

**** They had two Long ears^^, which being the only familiar feature led human minds to associate them with rabbits. Similarly Vorticon opinion said they rather resembled female Vorticons.

^ The droids [Inlay model 444VC- 09 ] were produced by the Vitacorp Doomsday Division,which, after Keens destruction of their greatest invention the Omegamatic, and the consequent bad publicity, had lost their second largest customer [A Mr D. Shell] to rival Villian Technologies. As such, they felt rather motivated to express their distaste with Keens actions. Now stop reading this footnote and get back to the story!

^^ The 'ears' were actually heat exchange towers, kept at steady 480 degrees while internal fans passed air across them. They were vital to the droids function, a fact that it'll be handy to remember later on.

^^^ Like a cryptic crossword, only circular and evil.

* An unusual wepon that one points at oneself. It kicks its shooter forward with some force and makes a noise before it is shot.

** besides the fact that he pronounced 'clown' italicaly.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

Edited by: LevelLord00 at: 8/31/04 1:32 pm
KeenRush 
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Re: Keen story
:mortlol What's gonna happen now?
Hmmm, that Dark Star sounds a bit familiar..

Galaxy is open.

0 UNFLEEXABLE 0 
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(9/1/04 12:30 am)
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Re: Keen story
I've barely read any of the fan fic, but I needed to make one correction...

Silly's wife is Minnie. I mean, Silly & LevelLord are just friends... right? Right?

LL : Do you mind? You're breaking the romance in here!

Silly : [Giggles]

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story
Honestly Fleex, can't you keep your nose out of other peoples private lives? And besides, there are dozzens of bigamists around the world these days, its only a matter of time before its legal.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
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Re: Keen story
"Honestly Fleex, can't you keep your nose out of other peoples private lives?"
Shortly: nope. :bloody

Galaxy is open.

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story
Chapter 10: Co-operation
================================================

Meanwhile on the planet Vorticon VII:

Silly finished the tango, it hadn't been a very good tango, you really need two to do it. Pausing awhile he thought about what dance he'd do next. A mambo perhaps, or a waltz. He did wish his rival would be quiet. Some people just didn't know when to quit.

"Well, I got my rear clobbered, how'd your day go?" said Levellord behind him. She did look a mess, rather as if she'd been sucking into a vacuum cleaner and spat out again.

"Geez, what happened to you?"

"Keen happened. What're you up to?"

"Dancing on Djasers grave."

"Ah... he doesn't sound dead, just pissed off."

"Does it matter?"

"If you don't stop this stupidity immediately you will severely regret it." mumbled Djaser from beneath the rubble.

"Oh, you've called upon a higher power?" Sneered Levellord.

"SILLY!" boomed a womans voice. "SO THIS IS WHAT YOU"VE BEEN UP TO ALL THUS TIME?!! FISHING INDEED! WHY I HAVE A MIND TO DIVORCE YOU RIGHT NOW!!"

And with that Silly's other wife dragged him right out of this story.*

Back to Keen:

Keen awoke lying on a cold, hard floor. He was in a room, no more than 6 by 6 feet, made entirely of a dark gray metal. The walls were perfectly smooth, there was no sign of a door or any entrance of any kind, all he saw was a single light in the ceiling. Knocking on the walls revealed them to be completely solid.

Desperately Keen searched for his hyperpistol, it wasn't there, neither was his helmet or pogo. "Oh man, my brothers gonna kill me." he lamented.

"Actually, I do believe I will be the one doing the killing." said Mortimers voice, seemingly from nowhere. "In about sixty seconds one of my droids will enter this chamber and remove your limbs and head. However, I do have one other prisoner here, and I'll allow you access to their cell as well as yours if you can tell me who they are."

The opposite wall turned translucent, behind it was the silhouette of another prisoner, about as tall as he was, who looked vaguely familiar, almost-

In a brief flash of inspiration Keen pieced all the remaining pieces of the puzzle together, all the small details that had been worrying him.

"Hello Mortimer" he said.

==========================================================

* They currently reside in the comic strip of one Ufleexable, both regard the move as 'a big mistake'

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story, this title gets boring dunnit?
Chapter 11: No Title Here!
================================================

The far wall of Keens cell turned clear, then melted away. There stood Mortimer, obviously worse for wear. His helmet was cracked and his clothes torn. He jumped up when he saw keen.

"You!" he yelled.

The possible conflict was averted however, when the near wall of Keens cell dissolved. There, standing in the new doorway, was an inlay:



"Aww nuts!" They said in unison.

The robot advanced, claws snapping evilly. Mortimer didn't take this well.

"Oh my God I'm gonna die!" he moaned, running round in circles. "I'm to young and good looking to die! Help! Help!" He rushed up to Keen. "314! Do something!"

Keen was a little preoccupied however, the inlay was just feet away and trying to cut his head off. Dodging the rapidly moving claws Keen tried to think of some way out of this situation. Running wasn't an option, he'd be shot before he got ten feet, the thing was armored solidly, so physical attack wasn't on, and he didn't have any weapons. Crud.

Now the inlay was advancing on Mort, who was cowering in a corner and crying for his genetic material donor*
It had its back to him, for now. With the logic of someone totally out of options, he headbutted the android. To be precise he jumped at it yelling 'I love Cheeto's!'

He missed the android.

He didn't miss the wall.**

The android turned around, both its ears had been knocked off, but aside from that, it looked mad.*** Once more it advanced on Keen, this time training its weapons of its target.

"Double nuts!" said Keen.

Then the android did something odd, it paused, spluttered, its head turned red hot and popped like a piece of popcorn. Keen watched the lifeless**** body collapse in a shower of sparks, then went over to Mort and said "Its okay, the monsters gone now."

Mortimer wasn't amused. "I can't believe I owe my life to commander clown! I'll never live this down. Me, the Gannal-"

"Excuse me," Keen interjected. "But as much as I'd like to end your domineering lifestyle, and as much as I'd like to see you done in, in a few seconds someone's going to realize we're still living, then they're going to send a whole lot of nasties to make us both very dead. So I suggest we both at least pretend to cooperate and try and get out of here."

"Okay fine." agreed Mort. "But I'm not going anywhere by pogo."


======================================================

* Mother, duh.

** Thank God for helmets!

*** Or as mad as an emotionless killing machine can look.

**** Or as lifeless as something that wasn't alive to begin with can be.

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

Edited by: LevelLord00 at: 9/14/04 11:31 am
KeenRush 
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Re: Keen story, this title gets boring dunnit?
:lol Very good!

""Oh my God I'm gonna die!" he moaned, running round in circles. "I'm to young and good looking to die! Help! Help!" He rushed up to Keen. "314! Do something!""
Classic..

""Okay fine." agreed Mort. "But I'm not going anywhere by pogo.""
Hahaha!

Galaxy is open.

LevelLord00
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Re: Keen story, this title gets boring dunnit?
Chapter 12: See Keen Run!
==================================================

Keen dashed down the sullen hallway with Mortimer following gingerly behind. Suddenly an evil metalic voice rang out. "I hope you can run fast Keen, I can see you!" Keen looked up. Sure enough there was a surveilance camera looking right at him. "Aww nuts!" Keen mumbled, wasting no time in resuming his dash..

"Where are we going?" asked Mort. "Hey slow down!"

"Do you know where we can find any wepons?" yelled Keen

"I can try and hack the system to find out."

"Well do it quickly!"

They located a computer terminal and Mort started typing furiously. Keen knew they had to be fast. Given the number of cameras, and God knows what other monitoring devices, whoever was in charge wouldn't need long to track them down. Sure enough it wasn't long before he could hear the metalic clang on inlays approaching. Fast. "Hurry up!" urged Keen. "Your junks stored on level 23 sector 5." said Mort.

With no time to loose the fled the pursuing robots and boarded the nearest elevator. In no time they were at level 23 sector 5. It would have been even better had they been alone. "Doubble nuts!" yelled Keen shooting pointlessly at the rapidly approaching androids. As they continued to retreat, Keens blaster ran out of ammo. "Triple nuts!" said Keen. Just seconds away from death he noticed a wepon on a nearby shelf. It resembled his neural stunner, but was larger and black. "My pulser!" yelled Mort. "Wait, Keen don't-" Unheeding Keen grabbed the gun and fired.

Keen pried his helmet from the dent in the wall where it and his head had been embedded not a miniute ago.* He was sore, but his helmet had taken most of the impact. Mort was stanging ten feet away next to the charred remains of the attacking robots. "You have to brace yourself against something." said Mort unhelpfully.

Keen studied the wepon more closely. Trust Mort to have a forbidden X-32 seies positroron pulser. Still, if used correctly it would mean no more troubble from the androids.

Now things became a lot more fun. Keeping himself pressed againt a wall Keen enjoid destroying any and all things that stood in their way. Keen had no idea where they were going, but it didn't matter soon enough they'd either find who was in charge, or blow up enough stuff to shut the ship down.

=======================================================

* Kids! Always wear a helmet!

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
Arachnut
Posts: 7267
(9/20/04 3:28 pm)
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Re: Keen story, this title gets boring dunnit?
"Keen enjoid destroying"
Uh oh, Mortimer's company isn't so good thing.. :mort

EXIT

LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1808
(9/21/04 1:11 pm)
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Re: Keen story, this title gets boring dunnit?
Ugh. Can you believe I wrote that after my brother aquainted my with the joys of a drink called vodka? :sick

You can? :rolleyes

On a positive note, I have no hangover today. :barf

If no one gets whats going on- too bad!

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
Arachnut
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(9/21/04 1:24 pm)
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Re: Keen story, this title gets boring dunnit?
:lol Well, I'm not surprised.

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LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
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(10/10/04 6:14 am)
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Oooh 13 oooh!

Chapter 13: A stroke of bad luck.
===============================================================

Suddenly a cheerful woman's voice rang out from the many speakers embedded in the ship. 'As is traditional, the doomsday weapon is being charged in preparation for the destruction of the universe. Customary countdown begins at t minus ten minutes and counting.'

'Nuts!' mumbled Keen. 'Don't worry,' said Mort cheerfully. 'All you have to do is find and destroy the doomsday device, capture whoever is running it and save the universe.'

'And how am I going to do that?!' yelled Keen. 'Well,' said Mort 'you could always follow that sign.' Keen looked at where Mortimer was pointing. There was a large red flashing neon sign. It said "This way to doomsday device' in ten foot high glowing letters.

"Gee thanks" said Keen under his breath.

The doomsday device proved to be a formidable affair, a gigantic dark grey metal sphere with thousands of wires and pipes connected to it. Electricity sparked, machinery hummed and the sphere itself rotated rapidly. Keen felt a horrible drumming in his ears, the room wasn't noisy, but he found he had to shout just to make himself heard."Even your gun isn't affecting it!" Keen yelled "How are we gonna stop this thing?"

"Stand back!" said a confident voice. "I'll handle this piece of alien %$#@!" So saying, Duke Nukum stepped forward and sent a round of RPG fire directly at the doomsday device.

The machine sparked, then continued charging. "Well I'm outta ideas, see you kids later!" said Duke fleeing down the corridor.

"I hated your platform anyway!" Mort yelled at the empty corridor. "Eight minutes and counting..." said the device.

"Fear not! The league of Justice will put paid to this diabolical construction!" said an assortment of superheroes diving into the affray.

Six minutes later and Keen found himself speaking to Yugi [From Yugi-oh!] "I heard there was a doomsday device and-" "Yeah, yeah, over there." said Keen in a bored voice. There was some yelling about 'the heart of the cards' a scream, then silence.

"Right, is that the last of them?' said Keen dryly. "Two minutes and counting" added the device helpfully. "Now what are we gonna do?!" yelled Keen.

"Easy!" yelled Mort. "Hand me that radiation suit will ya? I've spent my life building machines like this, you think I can't bow this piece of junk to bits?" Donning the heavy green radiation suit and goggles Mortimer resembled some demented turtle. Clambering over hissing pipes and blinking dials, Mort made his way to a small panel near the base of the sphere almost totally obscured by a data bank. Studying the dials and readouts for a bit, Mortimer removed the batteries and reinserted them the wrong way round.*

The device screeched, then was silent. "Malfunction, warranty void. Doomsday averted." said the device.

"Wow, thanks for the help Mort." said Keen "But I thought you wanted to see the universe destroyed."

"Oh I do." said Mort "But only when I'm not going boom with it. Now we're even I think I-"

Suddenly a gigantic explosion knocked Morimer halfway across the room, straight down a ventilation shaft, a.k.a Starwars. "Uh, sorry!" yelled a large green rabbit sheepishly** "I thought you were someone else... I guess I'll be leaving then."

Geez, thought Keen. "Attention. Attention. Power surge in sector 3.14 doomsday device detonation is five minutes. Evacuate ship."

"Whoop, better be going." said Keen.

"Oh you're not going anywhere" said a menacing voice, pronouncing its ' perfectly.

=============================================


*Which just goes to show, never, ever do this.

** Or perhaps rabitly in this case.***

*** Rabbititly?, rabbitavly? rabbiticaly? Oh stuff it. Sheepishly. >:

'Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid.'

- Bj÷rk Gu­mundsdˇttir

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1916
(10/17/04 11:49 am)
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Spotty!
Chapter 14 - Showdown
============================================================

Keen turned.

"Well, you certainly have done a lot of damage haven't you? You've destroyed my beautiful doomsday device! Well now you pay Keen!"

Keen stared at the android, barely Mort's height, and indeed identical with him except for shiny metal showing through a large gash on his leg. "Ah hello Mangling Machine, long time no see."

The android snarled "Why you little twerp! The mangling machine was destroyed! I'm its operator, M2.0!"

"Four minutes till energy surge" piped the ship.

"Well," said Keen "this is just like last time isn't it? A whole lot of talking before I fry your sprockets. I take it that I didn't really destroy you, and that you've been inactive all these years. I really should've known. Those pieces of paper were hints wern't they? 'I'm' 'not equal' and 'Mort' You're not Mort. I understand that, but why did you kidnap him?"*

"Simple, if your creator left you to rust on an alien world, wouldn't you be a little unhappy? And one last thing, Keen I-" suddenly M2.0 lunged at Keen shooting wildly. Just in time Keen dodged and fired back.

M2.0 pulled himself out of the smoldering wreckage that was once a computer bank. Now that the plastic skin had been disintegrated Keen could see that M2.0 was rather terminator like in construction.** "Ouch." he said.

Once again energy beams were headed in Keens direction. Ducking and dodging Keen took refuge behind the doomsday device. Mort 2.0 released a barrage of shots. "Whats the matter Keen? Too scared to come out and fight me now I'm a little more mobile?"

Keen jumped out and before M2.0 could shoot, fled down the exit corridor. "Hahaha! Flee fool!" yelled M2.0 "So it is true, all your talk was just to delay the inevitable!"

"Too right!" yelled Keen as he headed toward the escape pods.

"Attention! Attention! Ten seconds till energy surge. Total structural collapse inevitable. Have a nice day."

"Aww nu-" said M2.0

BOOOMSPLATTERBANG! said the ship.

Keen awoke lying on the pink grass of an alien world**** the wreckage of the escape pod lying around him. "Good 'ol helmet!'^ Keen said as it shattered into a dozen pieces. Looking around Keen saw a silvery figure lying among the shattered remains of a spaceship hull.^^ It was M2.0 "When you wake up, you're really gonna hate me." said Keen smiling. Well, another breathtaking adventure wrapped up. Time to sit back and relax.

Suddenly Keen became aware of another figure standing nearby. It was the rabbit he'd seen earlier. With slight horror Keen realized he was wearing the [slightly charred] T-shirt of Duke Nukum. "Hey, was that a bang or what! I can't hardly hear myself! Say, you wanna get a drink?! Oh, and do ya know a good laundromat? This shirt I found smells like bacon!"

Keen took another gulp of Vorta cola. Nope, his mouth still tasted like carrot juice. It was one of the most persistent flavors he'd encountered since his mothers 'squid and asparagus milkshake surprise' experiment. Never-mind, he had a few hours to kill before heading home, and Hal was providing drinks on the house in celebration. Yep, life was good.

"So what happened to M2.0? Didya blast him huh?" asked Jax in his usual excited tone. "Nah." said Keen "He's somewhere where he'll never harm anyone else ever again, along with some of the most evil minds in the universe. I shudder to think of the evil they're plotting."

Meanwhile on planet Kaled, prison sector 14, Maximum security division:

M2.0 stared out at the stormy brown sky, partially obscured by the forcefield bars on his cell. "Rrrrgh, Keen, I know you're out there, and when I get outta this place, I'm gonna make you suffer you hear me? You're gonna wish for death a dozen times before it finds you. Hey! I called top bunk!"

The short weedy looking turtle stared at M2.0 through his black rimmed glasses. "Oh yeah? First in, first served tinfoil butt. Besides, I'm older than you. Nyah nyah nyah!"

"Rrrgh! After Keen you're next! I'll crush your race into the dust!"

"Fools!" said a voice down the hall "My techbots will destroy you all!"

"Ha! I Doctor Mangle will defeat you with my living weapons!"

"Oh yeah? Well tonight I'll do what I do every night, try to take over the world!"^^^

===========================================================

* "Two minutes and counting"

** Oh God, please don't sue me. :|

*** "One minute and counting."

**** with a charred Yu-Gi-Oh! card on his shoulder. Just a minor detail.

^ Once again, Kids! Always wear your helmet!

^^actually in this case, lying through the wreckage.

^^^ Oooh! competition time! Who recognizes all the people I'm referring to? You do? Well then you have no life! ^_^

'Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid.'

- Bj÷rk Gu­mundsdˇttir

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

grafix5000 
Vortininja
Posts: 305
(10/17/04 5:06 pm)
84.92.41.205
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Bleeeeepppp....
So, LL, you think I'm nervous, curious and nosy? Well, you're right. I jump at the sound of feet on the carpet outside my room and I'm always thinking up new questions that I have no answers to. But I don't "borrow" things (not in that sense). I also like looking at my parents' credit card statements. Just a hobby! Ahem.

Quote:
Keen smiled, Gr'fix was odd even by Vorticon standards, the saviour of his planet had just about hit his house and he was worried about the noise, yet he was shocked every time the sun came up.

How sad. That's just like me.

Good story! Slight lack of structure (perfectly normal) but entertaining story and good jokes. Plently of lawsuit-inducing "references", too. Heheh.


If Keen eats all that sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to see my site!

KeenRush 
Arachnut
Posts: 7458
(10/17/04 5:48 pm)
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Re: Bleeeeepppp....
:) It was a pretty nice story indeed. Lot's of fun jokes 'n stuff.

LiFe WiThOuT kEeN iS dEaTh In DiSgUiSe.

LevelLord00
Die Spam Geliebte
Posts: 1947
(10/24/04 2:45 pm)
219.89.1.219
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Re: Bleeeeepppp....
Hey! I'm not finished yet!

Chapter 15 - Tying up Loose Ends.
==========================================================

On the third planet of the Dirac system.

Morimer groaned, his head felt like it had been split in half. The last thing he could remember was being knocked down a ventilation shaft, he was still wearing the radiation suit. He looked around, he was near what remained of the bottom of the shaft, which had landed on some planet or other. Keen was nowhere to be seen, nor was the ship. Success? Well he was still here wasn't he?

"Zir?" said a recognizably static voice. "The ship iz deztrod zir, what will we do now?"

Mortimer smiled. "We're heading back to your homeworld, I have a hero to vanquish."

THE END.

Meanwhile somewhere in the Tilbar system.

Unfleexable stared across the dark void of space. In front of him were the various enemies and allies he knew so well. "I bet you're wondering why you are here, well, now that you've stopped trying to kill each other, I'm proud to announce that you're all going to do a show on Jerry Springer! We all get cash up front just to act like we usually do, so rest well tonight, for tomorrow we bicker!"

THE END

Meanwhile on earth.

"Wow! Green grass! That is so weird!" yelled Jax as he dashed down the pavement. "Hey wait up!" yelled Keen "I only agreed to bring you along if you stayed out of sight!"* "This is incredible, your planet is awesome!" said Jax with his face pressed against the road. "Whats this? Some kind of runway I'll bet! I wanna see your backyard workshop! I bet you have all sorts of neat stuff in there!"

"Sure, I need to paint my Photo-tachyon transceiver for a 3D movie anyway." said Keen "But first I have a few things to do, now what happens if anyone spots us?" :Uh, I go 'bark'!" suggested Jax. "Right"**

And so it was that Keen arrived with a large sack of candy outside Jess Rocket's house, and none too soon either. "Billy you clown! Your mothers been hounding me all day! I've had to lie through me teeth for hours to save your behind, that had better be good candy!" "You bet" said Keen "And I got you a present for being so nice." and with that Keen opened the portable quarantine unit he'd been holding to release the Fidib Harr he'd caught just after his ship had crashed. It looked up at jess with an expression that bore a striking resemblance to Bambi.***

"OMG! Its soo kyoote!" beamed Jess picking up the small bundle of fur. "Billy you're the greatest! I gotta show mom!"

"Well," said Keen "I guess that really wraps up everything. Since Jess left this candy, I guess it would be a waste to leave it..." He was interrupted by a shrill cry. "OMG! Its a blue puppy! That is so Kyoote!"

"Jax!" he yelled "Run! And for Gods sake don't look back!"

THE END [REALLY]

=======================================================
*An old lady living across the road was mistakenly put on medication after claiming a blue fox upended her birdbath.

** Keens next door neighbor added 'painting dogs blue' to his 'list of odd things that kid does'

*** Fidib Harr consist of two large doleful eyes, four small limbs and a whole bunch of fuzz, making them look a lot like an ultra cute hamster. Star Trek fans have drastically reduced their numbers by capturing them and removing their legs in order to obtain a 'Tribble'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

And look out for LL's next fanfic staring Bush Blair and Howard [Look out, then you have a chance to avoid it.]

'Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid.'

- Bj÷rk Gu­mundsdˇttir

UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!



"No one should be here" -Level Lord

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